This is so funny, I just had to post it here:
It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one:
a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics fix the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here aresome of the actual complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked P)and the solutions recorded (marked S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one)
: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. sounds like a midgetpounding on something with hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” ~Joseph Campbell
Friday, June 30, 2006
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