blissfully funny joke

This is so funny, I just had to post it here:

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one:
a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics fix the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here aresome of the actual complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked P)and the solutions recorded (marked S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one)
: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. sounds like a midgetpounding on something with hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

A postcard I'd like to send

Today I received a reminder postcard from my chiropractor, which contained the following pre printed text:

Just a friendly reminder:
It has been ____________ since your last visit.

Remember your spine needs a checkup to stay healthy. Call for an appointment.


I’ve been toying with the idea of sending a postcard to him:

Dear Chiropractor,
My spine has been doing a superb job of taking care of itself for the last four decades, and it has every intention of continuing to summon well- being.

The only reason why I visit you from time to time is when I freak out at the slightest feeling of discomfort. I am glad you are there for me to rely on, but I know that I do my own healing.
You see, I allow myself to release resistance when I pay you a visit, quicker than when I try to do it all alone.

I want to get to where, I can fully rely on myself, without needing the crutch your visit provides.

If you’d like me to visit, so that you can pay your bills, I can do that, but do understand that it won’t be because my spine needs a check up to stay healthy.

My spine and I are doing really, really, well.


Regards,
Leisure Goddess

The most profound film of my lifetime

I finally had the pleasure of seeing one of the most extra-ordinary love stories ever told on the screen.
This movie is so exquisite that I was glued motionless and probably breathless for two hours and fourteen minutes.
This film accurately depicts a love that transcends every barrier known and unknown to the human race.

How did Ang Lee manage to depict the elusive essence of love- things which at one time could only be felt by the heart and experienced in the deepest privacy of one’s soul - with such clarity and impact, I will never know, nor do I need to.

The cinematography is breathtaking.
The story is the most heart wrenching emotional journey I have ever experienced.
This is one of the finest films ever made. I feel blessed and privileged to have seen a movie of this caliber in my lifetime.
The director is Ang Lee. The film is Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx, and the story first appeared in the New Yorker, Issue October 13th, 1977.

Is Yahoo Daily Horoscope written by an Aber?

I think it is:
Gemini -me
You're able to envision success so vividly that it becomes real almost as if by magic. Yours, more than any other sign, knows the power of creative visualization. You don't let little obstacles get you down. Previous Day Next Day

Cancer - hubby
You'll reach your destination in plenty of time, even if you go the scenic route. What's wrong with taking your foot off the gas pedal, anyway? The only sense of urgency here is your own. Enjoy the ride. Previous Day Next Day

Capricorn -brother
Hold yourself and the company you keep to high standards. Reinforcing quality brings you luck -- or does enforcing those measures create it? You know that it's not solely a material world. So should your friends.

Well -being

Today, I am looking for Clarity, Wellness, Abundance and Humor.

I know they are here somewhere and I do intend to find them.
Sometimes they show up without me having to actually look for them.
Today however, they are playing a game of Hide and Seek.
That’s okay, because I am enjoying the game too.

They didn’t bargain for that one!
You see the purpose of looking for them in the first place is so to feel better and when I feel better, I allow in more of my Well-being.

Everyone has Well-being assigned to him or her, but not everyone allows it in easily.

I am usually very good at allowing it in and sometimes ( like now) I have to apply diligence.

Clarity showed up when I decided to focus my thoughts on what it is I really want.

Wellness and Abundance showed up simultaneously as soon as I started appreciating my blessed life.

Finally, Humor was actually lurking behind me the entire time! Laughing at how seriously I was playing this game.

Well-Being wants you too!

DSM-IV

The following post will have me classified with a label from the DSM –IV, but that’s none of my business!

Last Thursday I was in an extremely good feeling place.
I was excited to be going to a bar to watch the soccer game between Trinidad & Tobago and England.
For one thing, I had never watched a game at a pub before, so that was cool in and of itself.

I am driving along with my good feeling self, enjoying the country road and looking forward to some shopping before the game.
I see a line of cars in the opposite direction heading my way, with all their headlamps on.
I think nothing of this, because my headlamps are also always on.

Before the cars passed me, I heard laughter and applause. Without missing a beat, I said out loud, “Yep, that’s how I feel too. Really happy today. I have a feeling we are going beat the pants off England.” More laughter and applause.

I begin to get Goosebumps or thrill bumps, the kind that means you are happy beyond your wildest dreams, and even happier than that. (Okay this is where I lose my self in trying to describe this experience in words. It sounds lame and nothing like I felt. Anyhow, I’ll carry on the best I can with words which really does not describe what happens next).

When the thrill bumps came, it was followed by a feeling of such rapture that I knew it was not about the ball game anymore. I had never experienced such joyous ecstasy before. Let’s just leave it, as there are no words to describe it. Just imagine the most awesome thing you have ever seen and multiply that by infinity and that’s the feeling I am trying to convey to you.

By this time the line of cars are close- up and about to pass me, in the opposite lane.
Heading the line of cars was a hearse.
At this point, the laugher and applause was deafening. I begin to laugh so hard, that tears were streaming down my face. More joyous than when I go to Caroline’s comedy club in New York. More joyous than any thing I have ever experienced. Some of the laughter was raucous. I said, “Okay, okay, you are so incredibly happy I know. Abraham said that, but I did not know what they meant, until now.” More deafening laughter and applause.

The drivers in other cars were so somber looking. I felt guilty to be laughing so hard with free-flowing tears. I could tell we in two totally different worlds.

I thought, if only they could know that all is well. Really know it like I do now.
At one point for a brief second I became really envious and I said, “I wish I could join you.” And I clearly heard, “It’s not your time yet.” As the physical gap between the funeral procession and my car widened, the laughter and applause subsided.
I did carry the joyous feeling for the rest of day, which appeared odd, considering that Trinidad and Tobago lost to England.

Marvelous weekend

Our weekend trip to Niagara Falls was extremely enjoyable.
On our return trip home on Sunday, we shopped along the way which was even more unplanned fun.

I discovered Mayan Chocolate ice-cream by Hagen Das. It reminds me of cold “home-made hot cocoa.” Generous amounts of rich dark chocolate and cinnamon, to die for!
I made out with a pint of it.

The drive back, seemed shorter, no doubt because we stopped often to shop, eat, and enjoy a cup of coffee!

Today, I ran errands, unpacked and for the first time stayed indoors due to the high heat and humidity. I am so grateful for air-conditioning and enough space with enough things to do that I do not feel confined being indoors.

Today I installed some solar lights along the garden path to the front door. I was quite delighted to see them light up tonight.

My roses are also a sheer delight! They are all blooming beautifully.

The next time I eat a sweet it will most likely be a slice of baklava. I seem to have a greater appreciation for foods, since I now choose them very discriminately.

Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada.

Today we spent the day touring Niagara Falls;
in front of it, behind it, and alongside it.
We were as close as we could possibly get. It was a thrilling experience. Being behind the Falls was awesome. We watched from a portal, as the water tumbled at some 600,000 liters per second.
On the Maid-0f-The-Mist boat we were close to it, and got rained on, which was ever so refreshing!

Last night we were there for the fireworks, which were a literal ‘in-your-face’ experience. That was incredible as well. The Falls are beautiful at night, as they are completely lit up.
I am thoroughly enjoying myself.

We are about to set off exploring again!

Soca Warriors played a good game

I have to say that the Soca warriors played an impressive game.
They worked relentlessly at keeping England at bay for 82 minutes.
I am extremely proud of them for making it all the way there and for holding their own against a favourite like England.

It was an exciting game to watch. I caught the game at a bar.
I enjoyed myself tremendously so huge success there!

Abundance

I was just upstairs in my craft room looking for some silver and blue beads to make my self a necklace for my upcoming weekend trip and I saw the huge amount of beads I have there! Beads of every different colour and many shades in between.
I felt so gleeful! All this abundance! Then I got to thinking about my abundance:
An abundance of health, energy and vitality.
An abundance of inspiration and clarity, when I need them.
An abundance of good books yet to be read.
An abundance of lovely handmade birthday cards and gifts.
An abundance of friends to play with.
An abundance of fantastic relationships.
An abundance of delicious things to eat, like moussaka, dolma, baklava, filet mignon, chicken Parmesan, fresh salads and more stuff than I can list here.
An abundance of cool mornings in which to garden followed by an abundance of rain in the afternoon so I don’t have to soak the plants myself.
An abundance of places to go and things to do.
An abundance of rooms to play in.
An abundance of DVDs and CDS to play.
An abundance of love.
An abundance of air to breathe
An abundance of hobbies
An abundance of roses, right after an abundance of tulips.
An abundance of abundance really!

Soca Warriors

Ya know that tiny little country that everyone wants to leave?

The one where every thing is the size of a postage stamp?

Where people are always looking for a cheap flight to some place for the weekend?

No, not Trinidad & Tobago, silly.

I am talking about England.

Yes. That's right. England, that island off the west coast of the European mainland...

Well we are going to beat the pants off them come Thursday.

We. Tiny little islands of Trinidad & Tobago, Wayyyyyyyyyyy down south; 11° off the Equator.

Watch...

World Cup and graduation party

This weekend we attended a wonderful graduation party given by our friends in honor of their son.

We enjoyed the company of this huge and cohesive family as well as the Greek, Italian and Portguese cuisine. There was so much delicious food and desserts to choose from, it felt and looked like the buffet on a cruise ship.

On Saturday we watched the match between Sweden and Trinidad & Tobago. It was quite exciting to watch a 10-man team play. In particular, I was impressed with goalkeeper, Shaka Hislop.

On Sunday I watched Mexico and Iran, but then decided to spend the day outdoors with our friends, enjoying the lovely spring weather. After 4 days of non-stop rain, nothing is prettier or more welcomed than blue skies, soft breezes and sunshine!

Do the work

In many of my spiritual readings the phrase “do the work” invariably shows up.
It was not until I was well into the Abraham-Hicks material, attending workshops, listening to hundreds of hours of recordings that I realized exactly what the “work” is.
The work is to get happy now. That is the work. Find the joy in every moment.
Look for it. Seek it out. It is always there. Always. Just look a little longer. Allow your senses to linger just a little longer and you will find the joy, and when you do you have done the work.
That’s it. That is all that is ever required.

Day 6

Poached eggs for breakfast.
Chicken salad for lunch.
Swordfish for dinner.
Snacks included the usual veggies plus nuts.

Raining as usual. Taught my Sunday beading class of three enthused little girls.
On their way out, one of them said, “May I give you a hug, because you are so wonderful!” Naturally, they all came back to give hugs. What a wonderful exchange of energy that was. I hope that spontaneity does not get beat out of them.

Chatted with two of my friend and my bro today as well. I love when people call to share their joy! It just adds to mine.

Day 5

Today I prepared boiled eggs with grilled tomatoes topped with mozzarella for breakfast.
Followed by grilled salmon, romaine lettuce and radish salad with homemade pesto.
Dinner was garlic grilled chicken breasts with spinach and mushroom stirfry.
I have not eaten this well in ages!!!
This style of cooking and eating is very becoming indeed.

In other news, I was perusing the New Yorker and read that Dr. Heimlich has performed the Heimlich maneuver once in his life!

The Richard Nixon Library and Birthplace in Yorba Linda Ca, does not have a library.

The territory of Tokelau has a population of 1600 and is made up of tiny remote islands.

I read these useless things, and I thought you should too!

Finally, “The best thing to happen to Great Britain in the past decade is the increasing profusion of ways to get the hell out of the place.” Anthony Lane, The New Yorker, April 24th 2006.
If I lived there, I would want to get out often as well!

Day 4

It’s the fourth day of my new diet, and so far so good. I feel extremely well and I have no cravings for the white carbo. I eat a variety of foods all day long and the biggest surprise is how delicious food taste.
It is delicious to eat nuts in minute amounts versus fistfuls.

Tonight we had oven roasted vegetables with grilled swordfish, which was to die for!

I am now sipping on a cup of black tea. Still cannot get use to the herbal crap...